Saturday, February 09, 2008

Integrated Civilizations

This one’s philosophy. You’ll probably want to skip it.

Georg Lukács 1914

The Theory of the Novel

The Forms of Great Epic Literature examined in Relation to Whether the General Civilisation of the Time is an Integrated or a Problematic One

1. Integrated Civilisations

Happy are those ages when the starry sky is the map of all possible paths — ages whose paths are illuminated by the light of the stars.

My first challenge is going to be coping with the beauty of his language. He speaks in romantic metaphor and lulls my imagination into a trance. But I don’t want to fall under his spell. I want to understand his argument. So why does traveling by starlight make an age happy?

Everything in such ages is new and yet familiar, full of adventure and yet their own. The world is wide and yet it is like a home,

We start off with a paradox. Traveling by starlight can make the world seem new and familiar at the same time. And apparently, being adventurous and “being their own” should seem just as paradoxical. I’m not really sure what “everything being their own” means. I do understand why a wide world being like a home is paradoxical. Home is usually small, intimate and, if you’re lucky, cozy.

for the fire that burns in the soul is of the same essential nature as the stars;

So in those ages illuminated by the stars, our souls are made of the same thing that allows us to see—the starlight. While we may never touch the stars, we feel that our souls are made of the same thing as the stars, and this somehow binds us to them, makes us part and parcel of the same thing. So that provides the basis of everything seeming familiar, even if we haven’t seen the new things before. The light that lets us see those things is the same light the emanates from our souls.

This reminds me a little of Plato’s analogy of the Form of the Good being like the Sun. But Plato never made the soul a source of light.

Stars are always featured in metaphors for eternal order. So perhaps our souls belong to a vast, eternal cosmology, one that was meant to be. Our souls, then, are made of the stuff of destiny.

NOTE: “Essence” might mean “meaning” and “essential” might mean “meaningful.” So the fire that burns in the soul means the same thing as the stars that burn in the sky.

the world and the self, the light and the fire, are sharply distinct,

Light, which allows us to see the world, emanates from Fire. This fire burns in our souls. So like starlight, the fire in our souls lets us see the world. And we believe that the fire in our souls is the same fire in the stars. Even with these similarities, however, we see each as a distinct concept.

yet they never become permanent strangers to one another, for fire is the soul of all light and all fire clothes itself in light.

Is that line just to be pretty, or is there something to tap out here? I don’t trust his poetry. It lulls me too easily. Let’s think.

Our souls are made of fire, the same fire as the stars. Fire itself is the soul of light. Fire clothes itself in light. So our souls, like the stars clothe themselves in light. So perhaps the reason that a starlit society feels comfortable in a totally new world of rollicking adventure is that they believe that emanating from their souls is light that offers them just as good a means of perception as the starlight. In a sense, they don’t need the stars to shed light, they believe their souls can do this for them. When you think about it, starlight is awfully dim, especially when confronted with the harsh radiance of the Plato’s sun. But starlight is romantic and delightful. No one talks about traveling under the blistering sun with romance dripping from every sentence. So while perhaps we don’t see much traveling by starlight, we can be happy because we think our souls are the same as the starlight and that we are fundamentally linked to the medium that gives us knowledge of the world. We are not alienated from the light. It isn’t of some other. We believe light comes from our souls just as much as it comes from the stars. It is as if we were meant to learn the true nature of the world. Destiny again.

Thus each action of the soul becomes meaningful and rounded in this duality: complete in meaning — in sense —

The duality is that we are separate from the light of the stars, but our souls are made of the same stuff that lets us see the world. So is each act of the soul meaningful because the soul, from which we believe emanates the light that gives us knowledge, is meant to discover the world? From this worldview, we would have to been born to be discoverers, so our every searching, our every adventure was meant to be.

and complete for the senses; rounded because the soul rests within itself even while it acts; rounded because its action separates itself from it and, having become itself, finds a centre of its own and draws a closed circumference round itself.

I wonder what he means by “rounded?” Like a circle, but what does that mean? The action has a center and draws a circumference around itself. Is this a metaphor to mean that the action is seen as a defined concept? The action came into being because of an impulse of the soul, but now it exists independently. I wonder if this really is more about concepts than actions. I create a concept. I articulate it, someone else picks it up and uses it. If many people pick it up, the concept takes on a life of its own. Many people have their own version of the concept, granted, but since we use the concept to communicate, the need to be understood forces us to keep the term within certain parameters. That said, the original person cannot shape the term exclusively anymore and drift and change happens. So, like Frankenstein’s monster, our amorphous idea is now alive.

Weber says that ideal-types are one-sided. But they don’t feel one-sided when they move us. Is that what Lukács means by “rounded?” Rounded can mean “full.” The concept, once “out there” seems more real than when it’s something inarticulate in our imagination.

I can’t help but think that there’s something I’m not getting here. Circle and rounded. A circle is supposed to be a perfect shape. Does he mean that the act becomes perfect?

‘Philosophy is really homesickness,’ says Novalis: ‘it is the urge to be at home everywhere.’

There is the brilliance of his rhetoric—we’re contorting our minds around all that “roundedness” stuff, then he hits us with such a romantic turn of phrase that he captures our hearts. We stop banging our heads trying to figure it out and follow him like the Pied Piper of Hamlin! He’s good.

That is why philosophy, as a form of life or as that which determines the form and supplies the content of literary creation, is always a symptom of the rift between ‘inside’ and ‘outside’, a sign of the essential difference between the self and the world, the incongruence of soul and deed.

I see why I’m having trouble with Lukács. He relies on the music of his words to give the piece forward flow, to give the illusion of coherence. His writing is almost impossibly romantic. It’s as if he were casting a spell. The potential for seduction is huge. The argument is nonetheless out of order. It has to be read more than once to puzzle it out.

Back to Plato. Philosophy gives us the forms. If we engage in philosophy, it is because we are looking for forms. Having forms that accord to the world makes us feel at home in the world. If we weren’t searching for forms, we’d have no need for philosophy. If we turn to philosophy, it follows that we must feel alienated from the world. Or, we’ve at least experienced parts of the world that make us feel alienated and we don’t like that. We want to be at home everywhere. And apparently, those who paths are illuminated by starlight feel at home everywhere.

That is why the happy ages have no philosophy, or why (it comes to the same thing) all men in such ages are philosophers, sharing the utopian aim of every philosophy.

Now, I get why a happy age has no philosophy. If your system of forms is perfectly matched to the world around you, you don’t go around questioning them. But how is it that is this happy age all men are philosophers? Perhaps it’s because they all share the utopian aim of philosophy—they all feel at home everywhere. But is that really being a philosopher? If you are lucky enough that your worldview seems to correctly identify you and the world around you, have you practiced philosophy? I’d imagine that you were “lucky?” Isn’t philosophy supposed to be work?

For what is the task of true philosophy if not to draw that archetypal map? What is the problem of the transcendental locus if not to determine how every impulse which springs from the innermost depths is co-ordinated with a form that it is ignorant of, but that has been assigned to it from eternity and that must envelop it in liberating symbols?

This is more of the adventurer. It’s not that he or she doesn’t encounter new things. It’s that there is a place and probably a concept for the new things that he or she encounters in the cosmology with which they were raised. A child who is learning does not know the name of every new thing that he or she discovers. But his or her parents probably do. While things are unknown to the child, nothing seems unknowable. Simple discovery will suffice. The world is an adventure filled with exciting new things to learn. But nothing leads to trauma. The story’s basic structure works. You’re just filling in the details.

When this is so, passion is the way, predetermined by reason, towards complete self-being

If you throw yourself into a world where the symbols are already there for you to discover, you are highly likely to find meaning. All that is needed is the passion to look. This is the confidence of the young.

and from madness come enigmatic yet decipherable messages of a transcendental power, otherwise condemned to silence.

Is this a reference to prophecy? Things like oracles? Joss sticks?

There is not yet any interiority, for there is not yet any exterior, any ‘otherness’ for the soul.

Because there is no external worldview that essentially can invalidate one’s own, one is not even aware that one has a worldview. To realize that one has a worldview requires an awareness of some other worldview. One does not become reflexively critical without a practical reason. I guess in a way, one cannot be self-conscious without experiencing a different consciousness. That was in one of those damned interpretation articles I read last year. Which one is it?

The soul goes out to seek adventure; it lives through adventures, but it does not know the real torment of seeking and the real danger of finding; such a soul never stakes itself; it does not yet know that it can lose itself, it never thinks of having to look for itself.

I understand this. This was my life before MS and before coming out. This is the self-confidence that I have lost for the remainder of my life. I may find adventure again, but I don’t think I will deliberately seek it again, as I did all those years ago. I adventured until 1999. I will probably risk myself again. To do so would be to live the life of the timid. But adventure? Deliberate adventure? As a deliberate choice in pursuit of pleasure? If that is what adventure is, it’s a self-indulgence. I’ve lost myself before. I will not gamble for thrills again. I didn’t know what loss meant, then. I do now.

The stands I will make are the ones that I must make, for the sake of honor and duty. Fares can follow adventures. It’s more his style.

Such an age is the age of the epic.

So the Iliad and the Odyssey, then, are the stories of men who do not yet know that they can lose themselves. I haven’t read any part of the Odyssey since the ninth grade. I tried getting into the Iliad in college, but never made it. The speeches were too long.

It is not absence of suffering, not security of being, which in such an age encloses men and deeds in contours that are both joyful and severe (for what is meaningless and tragic in the world has not grown larger since the beginning of time; it is only that the songs of comfort ring out more loudly or are more muffled):

Songs of comfort—I love that. The problems never change. It’s just that the songs that used to give you the strength to carry on may not always work, depending on where you are in life and what you’ve learned. It’s not that your problems really change. It’s that your source of comfort seems more or less adequate. That seems quite true to me. While the story works, it’s almost as if you didn’t have any problems. Not serious ones, anyway.

it is the adequacy of the deeds to the soul’s inner demand for greatness, for unfolding, for wholeness.

That adventuring soul is out and about again. What else could the desire for adventure be but the soul’s inner demand for greatness, for unfolding, for wholeness? We know that we’re not just perfect as we are. We know we need to grow and learn. But it never occurs to us that we might not be able to grow into what it is we feel that we must be, what we were destined to be. God knows the thought never occurred to me. If we were meant to be great, and indeed the soul (well, my soul, anyway) demands it almost as if it were its birthright, then change is simply becoming more fully oneself. And if it is a birthright, a destiny, it was meant to be. The soul, then, seeks to be itself. The transformation is that self. It’s almost Hegelian.

When the soul does not yet know any abyss within itself which may tempt it to fall or encourage it to discover pathless heights,

The abyss within the self. Boy, I feel like I’ve gotten to know that over the past few years. You can never be innocent again. Innocence isn’t really the correct word. I guess the correct word would be naïve. But the naïveté lacks the positive sense that innocence connotes. We try to prolong innocence in our children. One knows that one cannot return to its beauty. To lose it is to lose it forever, except if you can see it again through the eyes of your children. And naïveté is a similar state. If you have not lost your naïveté, you have not yet learned to fear what the world can really do to you.

when the divinity that rules the world and distributes the unknown and unjust gifts of destiny is not yet understood by man, but is familiar and close to him as a father is to his small child, then every action is only a well-fitting garment for the world.

The image of God is seen as that of a father in Christian theology. Perhaps this is disenchantment—the replacement of the image of God with that of random chance. He says above that “from madness come enigmatic yet decipherable messages of a transcendental power, otherwise condemned to silence.” It sounds as if Lukács is a “death of God” kind of guy.

Being and destiny, adventure and accomplishment, life and essence are then identical concepts.

Being means to just exist. Destiny is existing, or better yet, acting with a pre-ordained, noble purpose—existing with meaning in that Weberian sense, the expression of will. Not our own will, but some transcendental will. The will of God. Adventure is a challenging situation when a person is out of his or her usual milieu. Accomplishment is the positive resolution of such a situation. The last pair seems a little more confusing for me. Life is, like being, existence, although as an animal or vegetable, not as an inanimate object. What is essence? I would guess the term means a specific, defined nature. If we look at each of the first two pairs as an analogy, essence must either a pre-ordained, noble nature or a positive culmination of nature. The term seems to be tied to ultimate meaning.

For the question which engenders the formal answers of the epic is: how can life become essence?

So the epic, as a form, gives us (or gave the Greeks, anyway) an answer to the question, “How can our mere existence become a pre-ordained, noble way of living that completes us and makes our lives meaningful?”

And if no one has ever equalled Homer, nor even approached him — for, strictly speaking, his works alone are epics — it is because he found the answer before the progress of the human mind through history had allowed the question to be asked.

And it’s likely that providing the answer to the question before anyone had ever asked is the only was that being could be destiny, adventure could be accomplishment, life could be essence. To ask the question, you have to be aware that, if you do the wrong thing, life could be rendered meaningless. To arrive at that conclusion, you would already have had to have done serious soul searching. To be able to ask the question is implicitly to know that simple existing is not destiny, that adventure need not lead to accomplishment, that life need not have or attain essence. Finding ultimate meaning must be a quest for such a person, a quest driven by the fear of having lived and died in vain. Only the innocent or naïve could assume that ultimate meaning lay in just being yourself. I know that I was like that when I was four years old. I quickly became the former kind of person, although I’d be hard-pressed to say when the change happened. I take it back. In the tenth grade I realized that if I didn’t get better grades, I wouldn’t go to college. That’s when it changed. There’s a lot of gray in between those two points, though.

This line of thought can, if we wish, take us some way towards understanding the secret of the Greek world: its perfection, which is unthinkable, for us, and the unbridgeable gulf that separates us from it. The Greek knew only answers but no questions, only solutions (even if enigmatic ones) but no riddles, only forms but no chaos.

Greek culture, then, in Lukács’s view is naïve. The reason we cannot attain its perfection is not because it was perfect, but because having no sophistication, it could satisfy the Greek perfectly and that is what we envy. We yearn to be innocent enough for that kind of answer to satisfy again.

He drew the creative circle of forms this side of paradox, and everything which, in our time of paradox, is bound to lead to triviality, led him to perfection.

I am having a great deal of trouble with this last phrase. The world made innate sense to the Greek because the forms that were available to learn all around him, the language that his world gave him to internalize, was innately matched to the world in which he lived. What is the creative circle of forms? It seems as if circles and roundness in Lukács represent completeness and perfection. If paradox is a river, than the Greek had never crossed it. So what is it that the Greek does in that world would be considered trivial today. The reason the Greek’s actions would lead to triviality today is because his world was a perfect fit without any difficulties. Perhaps the Greek, having no pressing need to ask questions, has few critical faculties. Today, his unassuming approach would constitute a joke. But back then, it took very little critical effort to believe that you’d gotten things right, that you were aligned with ultimate reality, with meaning.

When we speak of the Greeks we always confuse the philosophy of history with aesthetics, psychology with metaphysics, and we invent a relationship between Greek forms and our own epoch.

The philosophy of history is the effort to understand the nature of human experience. Aesthetics is knowledge of the beautiful. Psychology is the knowledge of the human personality. Metaphysics is the study of the nature of reality. So what’s the source of the error, of our confusion? I need to puzzle this one out.

Behind those taciturn, now forever silent masks, sensitive souls look for the fugitive, elusive moments when they themselves have dreamed of peace forgetting that the value of those moments is in their very transience and that what they seek to escape from when they turn to the Greeks constitutes their own depth and greatness.

So sensitive souls look behind the now-dead image of the Greek face for the moments when the sensitive souls themselves have dreamt of peace. In doing so, the sensitive souls forget that the value of the moments when they dream of peace is in those moments fleeting nature.

So the fact that our dreams of peace are fleeting, that our gaze invariably turns elsewhere, this is valuable. When we look behind the Greek mask for escape from our world of transformative labor, what we are really looking is to hide from what makes us both deep and great. We turn to Greeks because we are timid.

More profound minds, who try to forge an armour of purple steel out of their own streaming blood

It’s a heavy metaphor, this forging armor out of streaming blood. Streaming blood suggests that these profound minds are wounded, possibly by their yearning for peace. They take this product of their suffering and try to make it into a hard, protective covering.

so that their wounds may be concealed forever and their heroic gesture may become a paradigm of the real heroism that is to come — so that it may call the new heroism into being — compare the fragmentariness of the forms they create with the Greeks’ harmony, and their own sufferings, from which their forms have sprung, with torments which they imagine the Greeks’ purity had to overcome.

So the pain and suffering is the result of their creative effort. Moderns look back to the Greek’s experience of perfection and argue for the Greeks to have created forms were that were as perfect as the Greek forms were, they must have suffered profoundly. The Greeks, in their view, are heroes, to be taken as models.

“so…their heroic gesture may become a paradigm of the real heroism that is to come — so that it may call the new heroism into being”—he sounds so Marxist. Hic rhodus, hic salta! I wonder how much of a Marxist he was at the time he wrote the piece.

Interpreting formal perfection, in their obstinately solipsistic way, as a function of inner devastation,

OED defines solipsism as “The view or theory that self is the only object of real knowledge or the only thing really existent.” So Lukács is saying that moderns have a flawed sense of empathy. Because what drives us, as moderns, to create is our sense of not being at home in the world, our very sense of alienation, we assume that to have produced forms as perfect as the Greek forms, they too must have suffered alienation.

they hope to hear in the Greek words the voice of a torment whose intensity exceeds theirs by as much as Greek art is greater than their own.

We wish not to be alone, then. If our art is less than that of the Greeks, we feel comfort in that the Greek suffering must have been far greater that our own. We follow the Greeks like Christians follow the saints in their sufferings. As Christians hoping that, by following the saints’ example, they might become perfect, so we follow the Greeks example, we might create a worldview as perfectly suited to us as the Greek’s worldview was suited to them.

Yet this is a complete reversal of the transcendental topography of the mind,

This is his point of irony. The reason that Greek forms expressed Greek life so perfectly is because the Greeks were so utterly naïve as to believe that they could encompass the whole world in their forms. The perfection we seek is the feeling of being at home everywhere, a feeling of a naïve child. It’s like me wishing that I was that kid of four years old again, who could not imagine a world better than one in which I had my teddy bear, hot dogs, cold cocoa (what the rest of the world called chocolate milk) and was watching Scooby Doo. It was pure bliss, but only pure bliss because I was a child. It could never satisfy me again. Yet, when since have I been so purely happy, simply happy, without qualification, complication?

Then, perhaps Genesis is right. The fruit of the Tree of Knowledge is the source of our unhappiness.

that topography whose nature and consequences can certainly be described, whose metaphysical significance can be interpreted and grasped, but for which it will always be impossible to find a psychology, whether of empathy or of mere understanding. For all psychological comprehension presupposes a certain position of the transcendental loci, and functions only within their range.

I don’t really know if I understand this. While we can describe how the transcendental topography of the human mind works to some extent, but we can’t understand this through empathy. Is it that we can’t transcend the human mind and find a place from which we can see the human mind objectively? Or is it that it is very difficult to understand how the mind works separate from our existing consciousness. That might be it. We’ve never been able to see how a Greek thinks and, since we can’t see that consciousness and all possible consciousnesses, we can’t use empathy to develop a very coherent theory of the mind. Encountering new consciousnesses will teach us new things about our present mind.

Instead of trying to understand the Greek world in this way, which in the end comes to asking unconsciously: what could we do to produce these forms? or: how would we behave if we had produced these forms? it would be more fruitful to inquire into the transcendental topography of the Greek mind, which was essentially different from ours and which made those forms possible and indeed necessary.

Now I begin to wonder if I’m even slightly right. I don’t think he means “transcendental” in the Kantian a priori knowledge sense. We don’t mean “the mind as it actually is” or “how the mind works separate from experience.” Or maybe it’s “mind” that I’m misunderstanding. Perhaps he means the underpinning concepts of a kind of consciousness that we can’t understand through empathy because we’ve never lived in that kind of a world before.

So, with our consciousness, one characterized by the experiences of disenchantment and alienation, we ask the wrong question. We ask “How can we be perfect, like the Greeks?” Rather than, “Why were the Greeks so naïve? How did their world shape their consciousness to be like that?”

We have said that the Greeks’ answers came before their questions. This, too, should not be understood psychologically, but, at most, in terms of transcendental psychology. It means that in the ultimate structural relationship which determines all lived experience and all formal creation, there exist no qualitative differences which are insurmountable, which cannot be bridged except by a leap, between the transcendental loci among themselves and between them and the subject a priori assigned to them;

For the Greeks, there was nothing that could be discovered that could destroy their image of the world (and really, their image of themselves and their place in the world, which amounts to the same thing). One has to experience trauma to understand other, darker possibilities.

that the ascent to the highest point, as also the descent to the point of utter meaninglessness, is made along the paths of adequation, that is to say, at worst, by means of a long, graduated succession of steps with many transitions from one to the next.

The Greeks apparently do now know that logic, that is saying that one thing equals another, is all that rests between the summit of knowledge and utter meaninglessness. I’m not sure I get this bit. Is it that we go over the argument only when the world doesn’t make sense? When we’re trying to find the flaw in the worldview? This sticks rather well to the trauma motif.

Or is it that rationalization (and not rationality, per se) is all that lets us believe that the world is anything other than meaningless. We build these structures to seduce ourselves into believing life is meaningful. That’s rather a dark interpretation.

Hence the mind’s attitude within such a home is a passively visionary acceptance of ready-made, ever-present meaning. The world of meaning can be grasped, it can be taken in at a glance; all that is necessary is to find the locus that has been predestined for each individual. Error, here, can only be a matter of too much or too little, only a failure of measure or insight. For knowledge is only the raising of a veil, creation only the copying of visible and eternal essences, virtue a perfect knowledge of the paths; and what is alien to meaning is so only because its distance from meaning is too great.

If I get this, then, he says that the world fundamentally is comprehensible with this Greek-type of worldview. You may not get it yet, but that is because you have yet to learn all the forms. But, if you have this worldview, you are sure that the forms are out there, ready for you to grasp. Hence, adventure to find the forms, a voyage of discovery, is the route to heroic perfection.

But I’m not a Greek. And I was like this until my mid-twenties. I was certain that my story worked. There was stuff I didn’t know, stuff to explore, but it never dawned on me that what I could learn could destroy my identity and worldview utterly. But I did look back in time to find perfection, however. I knew that was something that modernity had lost. I loved the great medieval syntheses that could look as if the disparate lived together in harmony. While I didn’t want to live in the past, I felt some element of this harmony needed to be recreated in the future. I have desperately wanted to feel that the forms matched the world and I felt safe. Safety is a fundamental element of being at home. But I was like the Greek in that I was sure that it could be done and that I had a role bringing it about. I was a bit of a romantic fool, sadly.

It is a homogeneous world, and even the separation between man and world, between ‘I’ and ‘you’, cannot disturb its homogeneity.

It’s as if it were a jigsaw puzzle. You buy a puzzle and you don’t know how the puzzle fits together, but you know that all the pieces fit together. There are lots of things we haven’t experienced yet, but we believe that all the pieces we will discover will indeed fit together. The fact that we don’t know how to fit them together does nothing to change our belief that the pieces do fit together, that they are part of a whole.

Like every other component of this rhythm, the soul stands in the midst of the world; the frontier that makes up its contours is not different in essence from the contours of things; it draws sharp, sure lines, but it separates only relatively, only in relation to and for the purpose of a homogeneous system of adequate balances.

Yes, we are separate from other people and things. This does indicate that we are different from other people and things. But those differences are only there because different parts are needed to create the great engine of the universe. Yet, we are all fundamental parts of the same great engine. The Greeks never doubted this.

For man does not stand alone, as the sole bearer of substantiality, in the midst of reflexive forms:

And that is the modern view of the world. I create the forms by which I recognize the world, therefore it is I who impart meaning to the world, beyond which there are objects that may well have no ultimate meaning and other subjects who themselves have created completely different forms.

his relations to others and the structures which arise therefrom are as full of substance as he is himself, indeed they are more truly filled with substance because they are more general, more ‘philosophic’, closer and more akin to the archetypal home: love, the family, the state.

Substance, in this context, refers to ultimate meaning. Ultimate meaning for the Greek is there, waiting to be found. It isn’t something subjective that we create. The world of relations, therefore, are fundamentally tied to the sacred.

What he should do or be is, for him, only a pedagogical question, an expression of the fact that he has not yet come home; it does not yet express his only, insurmountable relationship with the substance.

For the Greek, the question of how to deal with the meaning of life is something that he will undoubtedly discover in his adventure. For us, the question of the meaning of life may not be answered in the same, objective sort of way. This itself is the heart of our dilemma and what makes us “us” and not the Greeks.

Nor is there, within man himself, any compulsion to make the leap: he bears the stain of the distance that separates matter from substance, he will be cleansed by an immaterial soaring that will bring him closer to the substance; a long road lies before him, but within him there is no abyss.

The Greek may have a long road to discover the meaning of life, but he has no “abyss” because, for him, “the truth is out there.” We don’t share that certainty. Hence, we run the real risk of losing ourselves, that is, of having our identity invalidated.

Such frontiers necessarily enclose a rounded world. Even if menacing and incomprehensible forces become felt outside the circle which the stars of ever-present meaning draw round the cosmos to be experienced and formed, they cannot displace the presence of meaning; they can destroy life, but never tamper with being; they can cast dark shadows on the formed world, but even these are assimilated by the forms as contrasts that only bring them more clearly into relief.

As trite as this sounds, this bit above reminds me of the sci-fi flick Independence Day. Vicious aliens from God knows where may threaten the earth, and to be sure, they are incomprehensible. But that makes them so much more able to be cast as the enemy. The experience of dire threat forces the forms of what we consider to be sacred into the foreground of our thoughts. In this sense, our identity has never been more secure. The aliens may destroy us, but our destruction in no way invalidates our identity, nor the meaning of who we are. On the contrary, it makes our identity and its meaning all the more salient for us as we struggle to survive.

“Tout compendre, c’est tout pardoner.” If you understand the other, you may not wind up forgiving, but odds are, knowing the other changes who you are.

The circle within which the Greeks led their metaphysical life was smaller than ours: that is why we cannot, as part of our life, place ourselves inside it. Or rather, the circle whose closed nature was the transcendental essence of their life has, for us, been broken; we cannot breathe in a closed world.

We cannot “feel at home” using the methods that the Greeks used, because we cannot be innocent or naïve again. We yearn for completeness, but our minds test boundaries too easily. We know that we may be satisfied with our present boundaries, but they will eventually have to change.

This reminds me of the movie The Village. To create an innocent world, they had to create boundaries. To some extent, it worked. The children were innocent and pure. But their cleverly constructed consciousness with its myriad rules could not keep the children from testing those boundaries, trying to discover what lies beyond them. The Tree of Knowledge beckons now as it did then. We cannot breathe in a closed world. Our uncontrollable thirst to know drives us to look for open spaces. We will always seek to move beyond our consciousness. The only way we can be satisfied in a closed world is if we really have no idea that we live in a closed world. There’s the irony.

This reminds me of Genesis. If we could be content with the Garden, the naïve consciousness of the Greeks in which the answers are all there if we but reach out for them, we could be happy. But we wish to be gods, to know the more that lies beyond the garden walls, beyond the fringes of our consciousness. But this always entails a loss of innocence. The price of this knowledge is to never be able to return to the Garden again. Stronger than any cherubim is the knowledge that forms are created. The happiness of being at home everywhere will never be ours again. We can never again be innocent, which is why we seek to prevent its loss in our children, as we can recall how much the loss of innocence hurt us.

We can’t live with innocence, but we can’t live without out it. This, perhaps is the root of our suffering. We cannot live as animals, yet we cannot become gods. “You may have killed God beneath the weight of all that you have said, but do not imagine that you will create a man that lives longer than He.” I think the root of our happiness must rest in our ability to learn to accept this.

We have invented the productivity of the spirit: that is why the primaeval images have irrevocably lost their objective self-evidence for us, and our thinking follows the endless path of an approximation that is never fully accomplished.

The “productivity of the spirit?” I’m not sure that I follow what that means. In Hegel, spirit and mind are frequently the same. Could it be that’s the case here also? We now automatically test boundaries and limits, actively seek descriptive categories. We realize that there will always be another level of analysis, a greater possible synthesis. Knowledge is never complete for us. Knowledge can never be Platonic for us.

We have invented the creation of forms: and that is why everything that falls from our weary and despairing hands must always be incomplete.

If forms are created and not found, then they can be created other ways. Each way of looking at things will have its strengths and weaknesses.

We have found the only true substance within ourselves:

Meaning is something that human beings create, not something that we find. This is a critical difficulty for the traumatized individual. He or she searches for the meaning of what is often an utterly meaningless act that has traumatized them. The person only finds a meaning for the act when he or she assigns the act with a meaning, a meaning that can satisfy them emotionally. A raped woman ultimately cannot find the meaning of rape, why rape was visited upon her and not someone else. The horror is undeserved and often purely random, a result of simply coincidental timing and location (the phrase “being in the wrong place at the wrong time” itself seems to chip away at meaningless, as if a person could have known the place and timing were inopportune). Such event is charged with too much emotion to simply be released from the person’s focus. The only solution is to find a meaning, say found a rape crisis center to help others who have suffered this calamity, as a way to give the act meaning. This allows the act (as it is constructed in the person’s mind) to once more become a cognitively manipulable object that can once more be managed without evoking the unbridled emotional response of the moment in which the act occurred.

that is why we have to place an unbridgeable chasm between cognition and action,

Thinking takes place in our mind among constructed objects. We simulate the world in our mind by concocting rules for how each object (or subject, as the case may be) generally behaves. This is always an inaccurate, reductionist process. Action means real interaction with existing objects that behave according to their own rules, which are always far more complicated than we ever really understand. For Lukács’s Greeks, there is a chasm, but it can be bridged. They interact with the world, learn about it and then know it, in that Platonic sense of the word. The theory they create, expresses correctly the nature of the object it defines, as accurately as the perception of a god. We cannot be this naïve. We know that our theory may well be “good enough for government work,” but it will require revision, if not discarding, in time. Plato never accepted this.

between soul and created structure,

This one is harder. The soul for Lukács seems to be a constructed self that romantically is thought of as transcendent. It is, quite strictly, a created structure. Does he mean here that our belief in the transcendent soul is now irreconcilable with our discovery that the forms are created, that other forms can be created, that we ourselves ascribe meaning and do not simply discover it as a transcendent thing outside of ourselves?

between self and world,

Is the chasm between the self and the world a result of the fact that we create meaning? There is a world that is completely unknown to us, that probably only loosely accord to our forms in the most provisional of ways. We are never at home in this world; we are always estranged from it, for we can never truly know it.

why all substantiality has to be dispersed in reflexivity on the far side of that chasm;

Substantiality is probably meaning as substance is meaning. If something is dispersed, it is scattered in different directions so that its components are all far from distant from one another. If something is reflexive, it is turned back upon the mind itself. So all meaning is spread in different directions by being turned back upon the mind itself. Perhaps this means that in realizing that we all can ascribe forms, all meaning becomes dispersed because each individual is now aware that he or she creates that meaning for himself or herself.

Think of a form as a shape or container. Containers shape and contain substances. A form’s substance is meaning. I think I’m beginning to get why he always refers to substance instead of meaning. It’s a metaphor because a form is a container of sorts.

that is why our essence had to become a postulate for ourselves

A postulate is “an unfounded or disputable unproved assumption; a hypothesis, a stipulation, an unproven theory). So the meaning of our lives is now an unproven theory.

and thus create a still deeper, still more menacing abyss between us and our own selves.

Indeed, this is the very meaning of the term trauma as we understand it in psychology. We can no longer take our “selves” for granted.

Our world has become infinitely large and each of its corners is richer in gifts and dangers than the world of the Greeks, but such wealth cancels out the positive meaning — the totality — upon which their life was based.

We don’t live in a small, self-contained little world anymore. Our libraries are flooded with books. But we can never have that wonderful sense of completeness, that great four-year-old belief that life just can’t get better than Pooh Bear, cold cocoa, a hot dog and Scooby Doo. We always know that there’s something else around the corner.

For totality as the formative prime reality of every individual phenomenon

So believing that everything fits together into a single puzzle into which each piece was meant to fit—

implies that something closed within itself can be completed;

—means that each piece of the puzzle fits with the other pieces of the puzzle and is indeed precisely what we believe it is: a piece of the puzzle—

completed because everything occurs within it, nothing is excluded from it and nothing points at a reality outside it;

—and the puzzle is, of course, a puzzle that can be put together, because none of the pieces are missing and none of the pieces have a purpose other than being a part of the puzzle.

completed because everything occurs within it ripens to its own perfection and, by attaining itself, submits to limitation.

Leaning and growing is just becoming what you were always meant to be and, in being meant to be who you are, you are a discrete, known individual—the perfect you, a self that is perfect because it fits into God’s puzzle to serve the function that God intended so that the picture becomes complete in the fullness of time.

Totality of being is possible only where everything is already homogeneous before it has been contained by forms; where forms are not a constraint but only the becoming conscious, the coming to the surface of everything that had been lying dormant as a vague longing in the innermost depths of that which had to be given form;

For this totality of being, this confidence that everything is fated and fits into a divine plan, to make sense, the world would already have to be part of a unified scheme before we ever invented a form. Indeed, forms for such a person are not Weberian ideal-types, personal, one-sided inventions that can be created and recreated and, indeed, will be created and recreated because they must be adapted to changing understanding of the world, changed because they are never perfect. They are Platonic forms, perfect forms that we can become conscious of, but never create. In such a world, we do not create knowledge, we discover it. We become conscious as the universe unfolds for us as it was meant to unfold. The universe longs to become itself. What is destiny, but a yearning to become who one was always meant to be?

where knowledge is virtue and virtue is happiness, where beauty is the meaning of the world made visible.

This is precisely the world of Plato. Though I never knew it until know, it is the world I have yearned for since I was a child, not the world of Plato’s Republic per se, but a world “where knowledge is virtue and virtue is happiness, where beauty is the meaning of the world made visible.” How perfectly phrased! A world in which knowing is knowing the right thing, where knowing the right thing is doing the right thing, and in which doing the right thing will make you happy, where the whole process is itself the definition of beauty. The man can turn a phrase, that’s for sure.

That is the world of Greek philosophy. But such thinking was born only when the substance had already begun to pale.

And that makes all the sense in the world. The Greeks didn’t need philosophy until their first forms, forms they weren’t even conscious of inventing, were beginning to fail them. In this sense, is Plato’s Republic then an attempt to rejuvenate and restore a Greek worldview that could be taken for granted in that very way that someone who has never been traumatized can take their identity for granted? Should we see that attempt as heroic, or simply as naïve assimilation in the sense of the term suggested by Piaget? Or should we view it dispassionately, as part of a learning process by which we discovered the limits imposed upon us by the human condition? I’m not certain why I have such a deep need to know how I ought to feel about this, but I feel that it is important to know the proper emotional response. And I lack a clear way to establish an emotional context that will allow me to make that judgment.

If, properly speaking, there is no such thing as a Greek aesthetic, because metaphysics anticipated everything aesthetic,

OED defines metaphysics as “The branch of philosophy that deals with the first principles of things or reality, including questions about being, substance, time and space, causation, change, and identity (which are presupposed in the special sciences but do not belong to any one of them); theoretical philosophy as the ultimate science of being and knowing.”

The aesthetic is “Of or pertaining to the appreciation or criticism of the beautiful.”

So the Greek philosophy of the real nature of things came before and pre-filled the need for a theory to explain the nature of beauty to Greeks before they were aware that they needed such a theory. Does this also mean that for the Greeks that “what exists” is also “what is beautiful?” Or is it more, “what is real is also what is beautiful?” I bet it’s the latter. We always come back to the naïve worldview in which all good things come in one package.

then there is not, properly speaking, any difference in Greece between history and the philosophy of history:

So to a Greek, there was not need to have a philosophy to explain the meaning of the story of a culture’s life. The story itself is self-explanatory. Greek culture was the only real and natural human expression. It was life as it was meant to be lived. Everything else was “bar-bar-bar.” Further, I imagine it had never dawned on the Greek the thought that history might be “one fucking thing after another”—a meaningless string of events. Of course, for the Greek, history is a meaningful story. It had not yet dawned on them that others held different lives to be meaningful and there is no way of adjudicating who is right, Moreover, it never dawned on them that everyone could be wrong and that life could feel and perhaps be meaningless.

the Greeks travelled in history itself through all the stages that correspond a priori to the great forms; their history of art is a metaphysico-genetic aesthetic, their cultural development a philosophy of history.

The forms in Lukács’s view then have two stages: history and philosophy of history. Forms have an origin and they have a development. So the origin of Greek forms appears to be bound to the Greek’s very creation and physicality and their development seems obviously to be the only possible development. There is no need to test matters further.

Within this process, substance was reduced from Homer’s absolute immanence of life to Plato’s likewise absolute yet tangible and graspable transcendence;

I wish I remembered my Homer better. I last read excerpts from the Odyssey in the ninth grade! Lukács believes that for Homer, life is very present, almost palpable, and one needed only reach out to it to participate in it. The Greeks eventually discover, however, that arriving at meaning requires more work, that things can go horribly wrong, but no problem. Plato gives us a perfect means of transcending the problem, perfect because it appears to solve the problem fully, graspable because all we need to solve the problem is reason.

and the stages of the process, which are clearly and sharply distinct from one another (no gradual transitions here!) and in which the meaning of the process is laid down as though in eternal hieroglyphics — these stages are the great and timeless paradigmatic forms of world literature: epic, tragedy, philosophy.

So we start in the heroic mold by reaching out to discover the world and our place in it—the epic. Yet, we fail, because we assume that we are more capable than we actually are (hubris) and discover unanticipated (and perhaps unanticipatable) problems—tragedy. We then turn to reflection to find a way of integrating the experience and feeling “at home” in the world again—philosophy.

The world of the epic answers the question: how can life become essential? But the answer ripened into a question only when the substance had retreated to a far horizon.

Homer answered the question of how life can be meaningful before the Greeks asked the question. They only asked the question when the need to ask arose, when they discovered that there could be a lack of meaning.

Only when tragedy had supplied the creative answer to the question: how can essence come alive? did men become aware that life as it was (the notion of life as it should be cancels out life) had lost the immanence of the essence.

“How can essence come alive.” If essence is meaning, the question is “How can meaning come alive?” So, apparently the reversals of the epic make us feel that meaning, while “there” is not alive. Is meaning dead because we have not yet given up the heroic ideal, but have not attained it, or in attaining it, did not find it as satisfying as we might have thought? I’m not sure I’m following here,

In form-giving destiny — and in the hero who, creating himself, finds himself, pure essence awakens to life, mere life sinks into not-being in the face of the only true reality of the essence; a level of being beyond life, full of richly blossoming plentitude, has been reached, to which ordinary life cannot serve even as an antithesis.

So in creating forms by which we recognize life, we create ourselves. But because we believe the forms are not created but actually are the true reality of things, we don’t acknowledge that we have just created ourselves. So we believe that we have discovered our true selves, the self that was meant to be. In performing this task of “discovering”/creating forms, we discover the concept of “ultimate reality” as a way of looking at the world. In comparison to this world of “transcendent” knowledge that is so richly charged with the powerful experience of an unleashed imagination, the world of day-to-day life comes to seem mundane—“mere life.” Routinized life cannot compare with the emotive richness of the experiences of the sacred and of charisma.

Nor was it a need or a problem which gave birth to the existence of the essence; the birth of Pallas Athene is the prototype for the emergence of Greek forms.

Again, I’m not sure that I’m following him correctly. The forms appear to us as if they leapt fully formed from the head of Zeus, probably because the emotive power of the experiences of the sacred and of charisma obscure the much more mundane, almost embarrassing origin of individual forms in practical problems and impromptu improvisation.

Just as the reality of the essence, as it discharges into life and gives birth to life, betrays the loss of its pure immanence in life,

Now this is where I have to be careful. I’m grafting Weberian vocabulary onto what he’s describing and I can’t sure that his concepts and Weber’s will accord to one another. But I’m amazed, in a sense, by how well this grafting of terms seems to work. We try to carry meaning into life. If the meaning is sacred, we are attempting to align to ordinary world to the profound and deeply meaningful patterns of ultimate reality, a process that over time, suffers from corruption. If the meaning is charismatic, we know that every charisma is on a short route to its own decay into routinized behavior. Meaning, then, can’t live easily in the ordinary world.

so this problematic basis of tragedy becomes visible, becomes a problem, only in philosophy; only when the essence, having completely divorced itself from life, became the sole and absolute, the transcendent reality,

So, when meaning isn’t something that we can take for granted, then philosophy is a problem. Philosophy becomes work in the sense that I mentioned above. When meaning is not something that is present in life but exists rather in an ultimate reality of forms, then we face the challenge of how to orient our lives toward the forms. Only the philosopher sees this as a problem. The non-philosopher experiences the tragedy and simply sees it as greater than himself or herself.

and when the creative act of philosophy had revealed tragic destiny as the cruel and senseless arbitrariness of the empirical, the hero’s passion as earth-bound and his self-accomplishment merely as the limitation of the contingent subject,

Philosophy understands that the experience of tragedy as the result of simply the arbitrary nature of the world. The philosopher understands that Oedipus was really just unlucky to have killed his father and married his mother. To the philosopher, the suffering of the tragic hero is the result of living on earth, an imperfect world, perhaps something that will be rectified in heaven. To the extent the tragic hero has achieved anything at all on earth, it is the result only of his limited subjectivity. The real life then, is the heavenly life in the realm of forms. The present is an illusion. I don’t know if I’ve gotten this right, but I’ll run with it and see where it goes.

did tragedy’s answer to the question of life and essence appear no longer as natural and self-evident but as a miracle, a slender yet firm rainbow bridging bottomless depths.

The tragic hero takes over from Homer’s living man, explaining and transfiguring him precisely because he has taken the almost extinguished torch from his hands and kindled it anew. And Plato’s new man, the wise man with his active cognition and his essence-creating vision, does not merely unmask the tragic hero but also illuminates the dark peril the hero has vanquished; Plato’s new wise man, by surpassing the hero, transfigures him.

I think I may get it. The epic hero reaches out in the spirit of adventure to discover meaning, which is assumed to be eminent, present and immediately palpable, just as a child who knows nothing of the world assumes that the world is fundamentally knowable because his or her parents have ready vocabulary and answers for everything that he or she might encounter for the longest time while he or she grows up. Eventually, however, the child reaches for something that is not palpable. Moreover, like Oedipus, the world has horrors that lie in store. Meaning is not palpable, not to be found in the tangible world. This is tragedy. The tragic hero learns to reach to the gods to the world of forms, for meaning. But the realm of gods is dark and inaccessible. C.S. Lewis says holy wisdom is thick and dark, like blood, not clear like water. The philosopher comes along to teach man how to gain access to the realm of forms, once more restoring man to meaning that is his own once more, in the case of Plato.

This new wise man, however, was the last type of man and his world was the last paradigmatic life-structure the Greek spirit was to produce. The questions which determined and supported Plato’s vision became clear, yet they bore no fruit,

Plato claims that he has restored man to meaning permanently by showing that the very use of reason “tractor beams” one, as it were, into morality. Is the reason that Plato’s questions have borne no fruit because modernity has rejected his answer?

the world became Greek in the course of time, but the Greek spirit, in that sense, has become less and less Greek; it has created new eternal problems (and solutions, too), but the essential Greek quality of τόπος νοητός is gone forever.

The “topos noetos” is the transcendent realm of the forms. Lukács tells us that for us, there is no longer a transcendent heaven of ultimate meaning toward which we today believe that we can orient our lives. We understand that we create the forms. They are not transcendent.

The new spirit of destiny would indeed seem ‘a folly to the Greeks’.

I don’t know what he means by the “new spirit of destiny.” Is not a scientific world a world without destiny? Perhaps a world without destiny for a Greek would appear to be a nihilist void. If according this life to ultimate reality, the world of forms is what gives meaning to this life and we discover that the forms are all invented by us, then is not our life meaningless?

Indeed, Plato’s Republic has as its goal the defense of meaning itself. A world where the forms are invented is Plato’s worst fear.

Truly a folly to the Greeks! Kant’s starry firmament now shines only in the dark night of pure cognition,

Kant wrote a Critique of Pure Reason to explicate what concepts are “hard-wired” into us as a result of how we perceive time and space. Presumably, Kant’s account is all that we can know that we have in common, as these are the forms or concepts that are not constructs created by individuals. They now are the only absolutes.

it no longer lights any solitary wanderer’s path (for to be a man in the new world is to be solitary).

For a human being in our world is to know that we each have an idiosyncratic construction of the world. No matter how well we learn to coordinate by means of language, my consciousness can never be yours. There is always a level at which we are alone.

And the inner light affords evidence of security, or its illusion, only to the wanderer’s next step. No light radiates any longer from within into the world of events, into its vast complexity to which the soul is a stranger.

We know that our consciousness is limited and, beyond its boundaries, is a world not waiting to present to us its forms and enable us to be creative, but the danger of the unknown. We cannot take the safety of the world for granted. Adventure, for us, can be reckless. Unlike Lukács’s Greek adventurer, we can feel only as confident as our perception of the accuracy of our consciousness will let us. And, indeed, we must know that it is entirely possible that our consciousness is false. All too probable. We are all too human.

And who can tell whether the fitness of the action to the essential nature of the subject — the only guide that still remains — really touches upon the essence, when the subject has become a phenomenon, an object unto itself;

And this is what trauma theory reminds us. We don’t even know ourselves. We have merely a theory of the self, an identity, which we can discover gravely to our shock, can be highly inaccurate.

when his innermost and most particular essential nature appears to him only as a never-ceasing demand written upon the imaginary sky of that which ‘should be’;

Is Lukács essentially saying that our feelings or morality are in essence simply feelings that we possess without reference to a realm of timeless forms, an ultimate reality?

when this innermost nature must emerge from an unfathomable chasm which lies within the subject himself, when only what comes up from the furthermost depths is his essential nature, and no one can ever sound or even glimpse the bottom of those depths?

How deep is this really? I would think that the horrifying thing is knowing that the values that we believe are so timeless that they somehow transcend us are only feelings, biological impulses that predate our species’ bizarre evolution into a sentience. The thing that has always frightened me the most is that meaning isn’t deep and transcendent, that it is something that we pull out of our asses—just one of the panoply feelings that spew out of our limbic system.

Art, the visionary reality of the world made to our measure, has thus become independent: it is no longer a copy, for all the models have gone; it is a created totality, for the natural unity of the metaphysical spheres has been destroyed forever.

Art, then, has the essential attributes that we believed the world to have—it is a unified, coherent whole. It can never emulate the world because it always is what the world cannot be—coherent, knowable, a place where we can feel at home.

To propose a philosophy of history relating to this transformation of the structure of the transcendental loci is not our intention here, nor would it be possible.

The philosophy of history is the effort to understand the nature of human experience. Lukács claims that we cannot understand the nature of our experience relating the transformation of consciousness, presumably because we can’t get outside of the experience of changing consciousness. Although, to some extent, that is untrue. We do have a theory of trauma. Moreover, Lukács changed his mind. He became a Marxist. Again, I am uncertain if I am following this well.

This is not the, place to inquire whether the reason for the change is to be found in our progress (whether upward or downward, no matter) or whether the gods of Greece were driven away by other forces.

So he notes that we have this problem, but won’t explain how the problem came to be. Perhaps the problem is simply the point of departure.

Neither do we intend to chart, however approximately, the road that led to our own reality, nor to describe the seductive power of Greece even when dead and its dazzling brilliance which, like Lucifer’s, made men forget again and again the irreparable cracks in the edifice of their world and tempted them to dream of new unities — unities which contradicted the world’s new essence and were therefore always doomed to come to naught.

So we won’t follow the path that led us here, nor explain the romantic inclination we have to attempt to find a Greek-type mental unity.

Thus the Church became a new polis, and the paradoxical link between the soul lost in irredeemable sin and its impossible yet certain redemption became an almost platonic ray of heavenly light in the midst of earthly reality: the leap became a ladder of earthly and heavenly hierarchies.

In Giotto and Dante, Wolfram von Eschenbach and Pisano, St. Thomas and St. Francis, the world became round once more, a totality capable of being taken in at a glance; the chasm lost the threat inherent in its actual depth; its whole darkness, without forfeiting any of its sombrely gleaming power, became pure surface and could thus be fitted easily into a closed unity of colours; the cry for redemption became a dissonance in the perfect rhythmic system of the world and thereby rendered possible a new equilibrium no less perfect than that of the Greeks: an equilibrium of mutually inadequate, heterogeneous intensities. The redeemed world, although incomprehensible and forever unattainable, was in this way brought near and given visible form. The Last Judgement became a present reality, just another element in the harmony of the spheres, which was thought to be already established; its true nature, whereby it transforms the world into a wound of Philoctetus that only the Paraclete can heal, was forgotten. A new and paradoxical Greece came into being: aesthetics became metaphysics once more.

We will note that Christianity was the last, fully round totalizing image of the world that we could have. We regained Greece

For the first time, but also for the last. Once this unity disintegrated, there could be no more spontaneous totality of being. The source whose flood-waters had swept away the old unity was certainly exhausted; but the river beds, now dry beyond all hope, have marked forever the face of the earth.

—only to lose it for the last time. The Enlightenment may have come and gone, but its impact has spoiled belief in a religious-type ultimate reality forever.

I think I understand this. After coming out, I could never be Catholic in the same way again. I feel in forging a Catholic identity, I created the most consistent identity that I could. I started from good material, material that seems to be the best and most cohesive system for representing ultimate reality that I could find. I worked relentlessly to understand it and align myself with it, having faith that its various ideals fit together into a non-contradictory system that could lead me to inner peace and salvation. The end result of find a logical contradiction, i.e. that I must love those who are marginalized and yet to realize that the code that makes me love the marginalized is simultaneously the source of that marginalization, has changed me forever. I am not searching for a new, cohesive system of ideals. Instead, I have come to believe that no system can reconcile all of the demands of the competing ideals a human being will hold. I am not in search of a new identity with a source outside of myself. I wanted a divine answer.

It’s not that I no longer believe in God. I really think I do. I just realize that God has not placed a single coherent answer before me to grasp. I tried to shoot right through life into the afterlife. For me, I see that there is no “safe” solution to the problem of life. I have to piece this together some sort of answer. I must actually live.

Henceforth, any resurrection of the Greek world is a more or less conscious hypostasy of aesthetics into metaphysics a violence done to the essence of everything that lies outside the sphere of art, and a desire to destroy it; an attempt to forget that art is only one sphere among many, and that the very disintegration and inadequacy of the world is the pre-condition for the existence of art and its becoming conscious.

The term “hypostasis” is theological concept of personhood. Jesus was a hypostasis with two natures, human and divine. When we turn back to the Greeks, we consciously wish to unify aesthetics, that which is beautiful, with metaphysics, that which is real. We want a world in which the ugly does not exist—a perfect world.

This exaggeration of the substantiality of art is bound to weigh too heavily upon its forms: they have to produce out of themselves all that was once simply accepted as given; in other words, before their own a priori effectiveness can begin to manifest itself, they must create by their own power alone the pre-conditions for such effectiveness — an object and its environment.

Unifying the beautiful and the real through art is far more easily said than done. If art can give us the sort of meaning we expect from an ultimate reality, it would have to restore that youthful faith that the world can be perfectly understood, that a form for everything that we encounter is waiting just beyond the frontier of our consciousness, waiting to be learned. We know too much now to achieve such an effect. To seek this out is to demand too much from art.

A totality that can be simply accepted is no longer given to the forms of art: therefore they must either narrow down and volatilise whatever has to be given form to the point where they can encompass it, or else they must show polemically the impossibility of achieving their necessary object and the inner nullity of their own means. And in this case they carry the fragmentary nature of the world’s structure into the world of forms.

For art to give us a world again, we must provide a world that is a small microcosm in enough detail that it feels real, or we must use art as a creative expression of art never being able to encompass life. To do either is to accept a single fact: our forms are not transcendent. We cannot encompass the world with our forms. Indeed, Our forms are imperfect, fragmentary, just as we see the world.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Football’s Over for Another Season


So I call Kirk on Sunday night while Craig and I are driving home from Portland. I heard the last quarter of the game on the radio.

Kirk answers the phone with, “What the fuck?!”

“Your Pats are bums,” I say. “Do you hear me? Bums!”

And that was the end of football season. Dinur alone is happy. I’m bracing myself for a year of “Priceless Pep Talks from Eli Manning.” Here’s his brother Peyton’s envoi performance:

Saturday, January 19, 2008

All the Latest

Sorry to be such a lousy blogger. My focus has been really shitty. I’ve been handling a lot of bureaucratic shit and that puts me in a bad frame of mind for writing. Plus, I’ve got some other stuff banging around up in my head. Just garbage. Here’s all the latest

I got an application off

I am now an applicant for the United States Institute for Peace Dissertation grant. Who knows if I get it, but the important thing is that I’ve now sent out one application. The next, if the Graduate School offers has another “Dissertation Fellowship Competition in the Humanities, Social Sciences & Social Professions” as it did last year requires a four-page proposal! If they’re announcing one this year, the deadline is likely to be in February. Following that, the SSRC’s Dissertation Proposal Development Fellowship is due on March 1 and the Palestinian American Research Center Fellowship is due on March 15. I need to get cracking.

The Packers are in the NFC Championship Game

—and against the Giants, no less, who wiped the Cowboys off the map last week. Apparently Tony Romo spent the whole week before drinking margaritas and banging Jessica Simpson and has taken, in my brother Rashid’s view, a disproportionate share of the blame for the loss. While Rashid’s response was, well, more controlled, his opinion is clearly shared by Terrell Owens:



Indeed, the Cowboys are apparently the most sensitive in the NFL, if we are to believe Tony Romo’s own heartfelt response to TO’s comments:



I need to e-mail my buddy Brian McGrath, the Giants fan, to let him know that his team is going down this Sunday. Kirk, however, has sent me this reminder:

I am excited about the possibility of a Pack-Pats Super Bowl, but I've been excited about that since Thanksgiving. I was hoping even more for a Cowboys-Pats Super Bowl but obviously that won't happen now. Don't get too cocky about the Giants though, because they have been playing better than just about anybody in December and January. They opened my eyes with how they almost beat the Patriots in week 17 and come to find out they were really, really good at the end of the season. It's not surprising they took out the Cowboys, who played like they had their thumb up their ass at the end of the year and kind of stumbled into the playoffs. Sure, the Cowboys were 13-3 but they sure seemed pretty bad in December, a time when you normally want to start peaking. The Giants are definitely peaking while the Cowboys seemed to fall asleep and deservedly lost yesterday. I definitely think the Packers will beat the Giants but it won't be easy. I also think the Pats will beat San Diego but I also think that one won't be easy either.

But I’m going to razz Brian, anyway. He’s in Yemen and could probably give a shit anyway. He can take it.

Craig and I have been working out

Craig and I have joined Bally’s gym, some fifteen minutes walk from our house. Craig let me have all the trainer sessions. Kevin, my trainer, has a really great gay vibe. He smiles a lot, starts out with very basic exercises and quickly becomes a sadist. He especially loves making you lift light weights and do push-ups on pillates balls that throw you off balance and engage more muscles as a result. I’m sore all over, but have been to the gym four times this week. You can’t beat the convenience, but there aren’t nearly as many cute, muscled guys hanging out here as at school and, of course, no gang showers. I love gang showers. If I ever get to build my own house, I’ll have one. I’ll also have urinals in the bathroom and a toilet with enough pressure to flush properly.

We got Craig an mp3 player. It took me a lot of work to find out how to buy tracks without getting some stupid monthly subscription, but I did it. Craig is excited about his new workout collection.

Craig and I got Direct TV

Craig surfs continuously and, after nearly a week has said, “You’re right. It really is two-hundred channels of shit instead of five. There’s nothing to watch.” I laughed and laughed. But we can at least watch the same twenty re-runs of Sex and the City with clear reception and will actually be able to watch Desperate Housewives again.

I actually like the NFL channel, as they show all of last week’s games over and over again. It’s soothing. Plus, it’s a great way to catch up on what you inevitably missed. Plus, I’m trying to watch the news again. I was thinking about ordering the NFL Sunday ticket, but our friend Bill, the manager down at Billy McHale’s, suggested that it might be cheaper to order just the Packers games every week in the weeks they aren’t broadcast locally. I’ll have to look into it.

I’ve been Teaching Nationalism and Ethnic Conflict

We’re just finishing up the Robbers Cave Experiment and will be getting into the dawn of nationalism. I’m having all sorts of fun reading about French absolutism and the court culture of Versailles, under which the nobility of France became a sort of exotic pet. In their powerless indolence, they apparently had nothing to do but fuck themselves silly, a la Les Liaisons Dangerouses. I don’t know why it fascinates me. I even have friends with differing views on the subject. Sean, who is a member of the House of Savoy, might look at this alternately as golden age, where rich young nobles did nothing but kiss the king’s ass and fuck around in vengeance for being forced to marry the king’s bastard children. He might alternately resent the powerlessness and pointlessness of their lives. Who knows? Simon, in distinction, had no ambiguity whatsoever in his appraisal of the subject. He pissed on one of the many exterior walls of the famous châteaux to express his contempt.

What drives my interest? It may well be the cake. I adore cake.

I need to start writing again

So what else is new?

I’m still trying to sort out Civ 4

I have won three times at the warlord level and these are purely high score wins. To get a feel for the game, I’m having all the civs (including my own) and terrains assigned randomly. At this point, I’m pretty sure that there is no dominant strategy, in the sense that there is one strategy that can generate a win in most situations. I had a dominant strategy for Civ 3 that worked in most (but admittedly not all) situations. I don’t think that’s possible in Civ 4. Civ 4 is ultimately terrain driven and different terrains require very different strategies. Moreover, as far as I can see, the different gamer geeks who write on the subject are right. You need to commit to a clear strategy that delivers you to a victory type that is selected in the opening game. Everything, therefore, seems to hinge on figuring out the type of planet on which you’re living at the earliest possible juncture. In Civ 3, I never really gave a shit so long as I started on a continent and not an island. Figuring out the planet type so you can commit to an early strategy is essential.

Why is world size so pivotal in Civ 4, you ask? It’s tied to the way the AI makes war decisions. My theory is that in Civ 4, AI war decisions are driven by terrain pressures. The various AIs do not seem interested in vast empires and, instead, tend to want to become nation states of somewhere between six to nine cities. As a result, they tend to become more bellicose when they can’t expand to their ideal or when they are losing territory to foreign cultural expansion. In the absence of those pressures, only the AIs with very warlike personalities (e.g. Shaka, Montezuma) seem bellicose.

Small planets, particularly small pangaeas, are very warlike, because the AI has trouble getting to its six to nine city ideal. In contrast, large planets are very peaceful. I find that, on a large planet I can, by and large, avoid war until the 20th century at warlord level. In contrast, in my small Pangaea game a few iterations ago, I fought at least ten consecutive wars with less than five or six turns of peace between them. I’ve kept from losing much territory, but the wars have all been largely defensive and they showed no sign of stopping. I never actually declared a war in that game, but I bet I’ve fought more wars than any of the other civs have, this iteration. I punted it in frustration and started a new iteration.

I’m frustrated in my inability to find a satisfying game pattern. I know I need a better understanding of the AI worldview. The AI is difficult to buy off. The diplomatic model requires more work on my part. I don’t know how to manipulate the AI well enough to be safe from it.

Lebanon still hasn’t elected a president

So what else is new?

Nelly and Simon are getting married!

By far the best news I’ve had in a very long time—Nelly and Simon are getting married in May in Las Vegas. It looks like I will make my second trip to Vegas in as many years to dance at their wedding!

Friday, December 28, 2007

The Last Episode of The Sopranos


Craig and I saw the last episode of The Sopranos tonight. If you haven’t seen it, Wikipedia has a pretty decent synopsis to help you catch up. I was pretty disappointed. I’ve been trying to sort out why. I can hear the whiny bitches now. “It’s true to life. Real life doesn’t resolve itself neatly. Real life is ambiguous.” My instinctive response is, “Fuck real life. This is art. An ending is not running out of film in the middle of the scene and does not leave you wondering of the damned DVD player has just hit a smudge on the disk again.” The ending is sensationalist shit and the writer should be shot.

I’m bothered by my response. I’m the first to demand realism from art. On the surface, I ought not to be bothered by this ending. Where I am disturbed is that this argument has no emotional impact on me other than to cause this confusion. I feel strongly that art should emulate reality convincingly and I still feel contempt for this ending. When I was younger, I would take that emotional contradiction and explain it away. I’m older now, and I want to do something different. I want to understand what has made me feel this way and figure out if it tells me something that I feel about the art of storytelling that I don’t consciously know. I’m afraid I don’t know where, if anywhere this is going.

It’s strange, but I guess I feel that there is a bond that exists between read, writer and character, and I feel that the writer betrayed the bond. Odd that I should feel that, especially as one of these three persons does not actually exist, at least not as a person. I don’t know what the rules of that relationship are, but I feel in my gut that they’ve been violated.

An Associated Press article about the last episode (yes, I followed the link from Wikipedia—I didn’t work for it) quotes an interview with the show’s creator, David Chase and his response to his viewers’ response. This is a passage from the article:

The interview, included in “‘The Sopranos’: The Complete Book,” published this week, finds Chase exasperated by viewers who were upset that Tony didn’t meet explicit doom.

Chase says the New Jersey mob boss “had been people’s alter ego. They had gleefully watched him rob, kill, pillage, lie and cheat. They had cheered him on. And then, all of a sudden, they wanted to see him punished for all that. They wanted ’justice’...

“The pathetic thing—to me—was how much they wanted HIS blood, after cheering him on for eight years.”

Tony’s death or lack thereof isn’t even interesting to me. The writer owed the character something, but I don’t think it was life or death. Moreover, the show didn’t seem to promise anything remotely like justice. If Tony had been killed, it would have been realistic. For the last nine episodes he had been getting sloppy. If he hadn’t been killed, it would also be realistic. Life has random elements in it. Sometimes we’re sloppy and get away with it and, sometimes we’re careful and are still fucked. None of that really mattered to me. I didn’t watch Tony kill as a way to work out my dark side and I didn’t need him to be killed in order to see validation of my choices not to act on my dark side.

What I resented was the denial of the moment. It was a hopeful and, for this series, weird moment. This money obsessed family had chosen to do something simple: meet for a meal. Tony doesn’t work in a gilded world (think about the Bada Bing—it’s not even upscale for a strip club), but his family lives in a gilded world pretty exclusively. They meet in a diner—a plain old diner. Nowhere fancy. Tony plays a song on the jukebox, talks to his wife, has a moment with his son. For this family, that’s huge. His daughter is outside trying to parallel park her ridiculously nice car. You feel the suspense. But here’s the thing. I needed to see one of two things. I needed to see Tony get shot just as she finally walked in, or I needed to see her walk in and sit down. If that moment, perhaps this family’s only moment with a soul, their fleeting moment needed to be sacrificed, it should have been sacrificed to some sort of message.

Clearly Chase doesn’t have a message of that sort, and I don’t ask him to. I would have been great with Meadow walking in, sitting down, and them talking and end it there. Their future was far from certain. Tony might be killed or thrown in the clink. There were plenty of opportunities for him to die right in the restaurant. AJ is a wussy, spineless spoiled brat who ultimately can be bought off by his parents. Carmella sold her soul for the upscale real estate and a snazzy wardrobe and she’s learned to accept it. Meadow, at least, treats people more kindly than she did in college. They’re not much of a family. But they would have had their one moment. It wasn’t much of one, but it was all they had. They deserved that much. We shared so much with them.

To care for a character isn’t the same thing as loving a character. You care for the ones you hate, too. The more you care for a character, the more you will for them to have a full story. None of the Sopranos are favorite characters of mine. But I cared for them enough as engrossing characters that I felt that they deserved an ending. I was disappointed that Chase apparently did not care enough for them that he would simply sell them out to sensationalism. I also felt he sold me out.

But he’s rich. What the fuck does he give a shit?

I care too much about stories. That’s the only reason that I do.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Giving Up That One Heroic Death


The coward dies a thousand deaths; the brave man dies but once. It’s a nice little saying as far as it goes, but it in no way constitutes a necessary and sufficient cause for the dying of a thousand deaths. Brain damage does this same thing. There are level upon level of loss, as you discover just how pernicious the damage is. I keep wanting to heroically get it over with, die the one death and move on—become the new person. I don’t have a choice, so why waste time on all the emotions?

But the whole thing is like algebra. You can’t skip steps. You’ll just get it wrong and have to go back and do it over again. And I can’t treat it like algebra. If you pull a C in algebra and get through the course, you’re done and don’t have to revisit it until it’s time to take the GRE. But God is a more thorough teacher than the school system. He makes you go over it again and again until you finally get it. There is no gentleman’s C. The course is pass-fail with a very high standard for passing indeed.

I’ve looked enough at skills to realize that devising organizational techniques to compensate for my shortcomings is no longer my major problem. I still fuck up badly, but it’s not because I don’t have a method. I think I’ve learned most of the skills that I need to compensate for the damage. I’m still fucking up because I can’t manage all the emotions involved.

There are three recurring emotions that I cope with whenever I deal with medium to large organizing tasks. These are: shame, inadequacy and despair. These three are a direct cause of my pronounced tendency to withdraw from or delay organizing tasks. As the intense negative emotion generates fatigue, experiencing these three emotions generate the fourth direct cause of withdrawal and delay.

I don’t have the ability to suppress the emotions anymore. So that’s off the table. I need more therapy, prayer and meditation. I need to learn to be okay with my situation so that I’m not ashamed, overwhelmed and despairing anymore. Being brave, in this case, means dying the thousand deaths. It also means my progress is going to be really slow.

Slow but steady wins the race. Fuckin’ tortoise.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Strategic Epiphany

Okay, I think I’m beginning to see a new level to learning to prepare applications again. My problem has been that I am focused on preparing a successful round. I want to get out about 6-8 applications, because the more shots you take, the better your success rate is likely to be. That’s stupid.

I have been aware of two immediate problems: First, my new learning speed has been compromised by the disease. I don’t calculate permutations nearly as quickly and as effectively as I used to. I used to subconsciously make the calculations in my head. Well, my short term recall deficit prevents me from making effective decision trees in my head. The only way I can deal now is to physically make a decision tree so that I don’t have to try to keep the diagram in my head while I think about it.

Second, all human beings make decisions on the basis of emotion, not reason. What a rational process is supposed to do is help you figure out which conflicting emotion to suppress. Reason (going step by step through the decision tree) doesn’t make the decision for us, even if those of us who can deploy this strategy quickly feel as if it does. Reasoned analysis simply changes how you feel about the decision you are making in a useful way. But if I feel very strongly about the wrong decision, I can’t suppress the need to decide that way anymore, because I can’t suppress strong emotions outright anymore. Going through the decision tree, even if it’s written down, isn’t necessarily helpful because I can’t suppress strong rival emotions effectively. I make bad decisions and I know they are bad decisions, but often, until the emotional dilemma is resolved somehow, I still make the bad decision knowing the decision is bad because I can’t help myself.

This morning, I am aware of a third problem. My systematic problem is often not my conscious feelings. It’s the underlying identity-forming assumptions that I adopted at, say, the age of twelve or sixteen that are fucking me up so badly. I need to discard core parts of my identity (again!). The truth is that I’ve always hated incrementalism. Always. I mean what can be more insipid than crawling at a slow and steady pace? What could be less satisfying? What could better represent the rankly inferior? I can’t think of any aesthetic way of living that isn’t fundamentally immoral that I have despised more. It all goes back to that stupid story of the tortoise or the hare. I’ve never bought it’s idiotic moral—steady by slow wins the race. Indeed, it’s a stupid moral. Steady but slow may help you finish the race, but you’re going to lose the race to steady but fast every fucking time! Let’s get real. It’s not a dominant strategy.

Well, I am slow now. Indeed, I saw a cognitive therapist named Annette Coangelo and she, very brilliantly made two points absolutely clear to me. The first is that I still have extraordinary abilities and can pretty much still do everything I used to be able to. The second is that I am going to do everything that I used to do far more slowly than I used to. I can make any journey. I’m just never going to win the race. Many years ago, my friend Faedah Totah gave me the text of a poem by Cavafy called “Ithaca.” I’ve always loved the poem, but this morning, I’m thinking more clearly than usual, and its point has been driven home to me clearly. The journey is meant to be savored and one cannot savor something quickly. A journey is not the same thing as a race and God means for me to take a journey, not run a race. God has reason in the lessons he has given me. As much as I’ve hated the course, what I’ve learned has been worth the suffering. Not every course can be fun. Life takes discipline and discipline is rarely fun. Not until you’ve mastered the discipline, anyway. Then it can get really fun, because you get the job done.

I still have a problem, however. Winning the race was one of the things that made it possible for me to provide the steady performance in the journey. I loved beating the other guy (get your mind out of the gutter, that wasn’t what I was talking about, even if your smutty insinuation is completely true). I also loved the fast aspect of my steady but fast strategy. I got off on watching what I was building grow before my very eyes. It kept me motivated. The most dejecting thing about the MS experience has been living through failure after failure as I keep fucking things up.

Which brings us to the point of the whole post. I need to learn from Ted Thompson. Two years ago, the Packers went 4-12. We started the next season by losing 26-0 to the Bears. We were rebuilding. Rebuilding hurts. Well, in a lot of ways I’m rebuilding, but I haven’t realized it. To be honest, I’ve responded a lot like Brett Favre has over the past two years. I’ve completely freaked out about the loss of identity involved in my brain damage, and ever since, because I can’t live with losing, I’ve been throwing stupid interceptions. My ability to organize has been seriously compromised, just as the Packers offensive line was seriously compromised in 2005 when Marco Rivera and Mike Wahle left the Packers offensive line. Mike Flanagan but it bluntly when he said that you can’t replace guys like that. You just move on. You don’t fix the old system. You abandon it and rebuild. And rebuilding hurts. Rebuilding means losing 26-0 to the Bears but, maybe, if you’re doing it right, going 8-8 for the season. Sure, it’s nothing to write home about, but it’s better than losing 4-12 for the season and it’s the trend that matters.

I’m currently organizing my second upper-division course. What I’ve noticed is that it is much easier than organizing the first upper-division course was. When it comes to organization, I don’t have much forward vision anymore. It’s frustrating that I don’t seem to anticipate what my problems will be the way that I used to, nor do I adapt as quickly as I used to. I learn more from hindsight now than I do from foresight. That hurts. Marx said of the revolutionary of the 19th century:

On the other hand, proletarian revolutions, like those of the nineteenth century, criticize themselves constantly, interrupt themselves continually in their own course, come back to the apparently accomplished in order to begin it afresh, deride with unmerciful thoroughness the inadequacies, weaknesses and paltriness of their first attempts, seem to throw down their adversary only in order that he may draw new strength from the earth and rise again, more gigantic before them, and recoil again and again from the indefinite prodigiousness of their own aims, until a situation has been created which makes all turning back impossible, and the contradictions themselves cry out:

Hic Rhodus, hic salta
Hier ist die Rose, hier tanze!

I’ve always wanted work to feel like that. And it did! Yeah, true, I may have often wound up much more often like the revolutionary of the eighteenth century—

Bourgeois revolutions, like those of the eighteenth century, storm swiftly from success to success, their dramatic effects outdo each other, men and things seem set in sparkling brilliants, ecstasy is the everyday spirit, but they are short-lived. Soon they have attained their zenith, and a long crapulent depression seizes society before it learns soberly to assimilate the results of its storm-and-stress period.

—but what the fuck did I care? I loved working because working was a charismatic high and I loved being high on work. It was better than any chemical. If I had to weather a hangover in the morning, so what? I’d partied all night and that was all I cared about. I had the stamina for it back then. It was a fun lifestyle. I liked living that way and I liked myself for the life I lead. There’s a reason this has hurt so much.

Well, building a football team isn’t like that. Sure it takes passion. But it also takes perspective. It takes patience and quiet work in the face of all the bullshit that everyone is throwing at you. Ted Thompson hasn’t given a shit about what anyone has said about his strategy. He doesn’t run around justifying himself to people. People get pissy and ask why he didn’t pick up any new offensive players over the off-season and he replies, “Yeah, kinda strange that I didn’t do that, isn’t it? It’s not my usual approach.” Favre throws a hissy fit, and Thompson just quietly papers over the glaring breach. Last week, when asked about the failed trade, Favre said

Favre said. “I think Randy’s doing what I thought he would do. I mean, I’m not surprised. They throw it up to him in triple coverage and he catches it. I mean, he’s done that I don’t know how many times against us. Could he be doing that for us? Sure he could.

“But what our guys are doing is outstanding. A different style of play, but outstanding. What we ask our guys to do, we probably wouldn’t ask Randy to do and vice-versa. But we’re having a lot of success here right now, we hope it continues, and a big part of that is because of our receivers.”

This is a different style of play for me. It will have to lack dramatic effects and sparkling brilliants. I have to learn slowly now. So I’ll do the application that matters the most this term and realize there will be a lot of emotional stuff I’ll have to cope with. I’ll learn from that. As I start getting the hang of it, I’ll be able to add more on. I’ll get a feel and a rhythm for the work again and I’ll eventually learn how to do rounds of applications, just as I learned how to design a course. Yeah, it will probably be a losing season. But I’ve got to suck before I get better, because I’m learning this from scratch. I can’t replace the skills that were integral to the old system. I need to learn a new system. Rebuilding hurts, but I can do this.

But not tonight. Tonight is the Packers-Cowboys game. I couldn’t be more pumped.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Little Epiphany

I only have twenty hours of quality time and I keep wanting to push grading and applications into my ten hours of shit time, but both require quality thinking. Doing these things, therefore, crowds out meaningful work, creating resentment on my part, especially for applications. Grading at least has redeeming value in that it helps students improve. But crowding out creativity makes my life bleak, which is why I am so resistant to applications. I need a very bleak term in order to get applications done.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Fog, Part III


When I left off, I said that the most difficult and frustrating problem that I deal with is coping with meta-object fields, object fields designed to help you coordinate action between various object fields. Even further back, I wrote about not being the kwisatz haderach anymore—not being able to be in many places at once and the feeling of reduction in self that results from being able to carry out fewer simultaneous activities. My problems handling meta-object fields are at the very heart of that experience. This is also where my other cognitive damage comes into play. In addition to the short-term recall problem, I also have difficulty suppressing emotion. That always plays into my problems.

A Divided Life

Habermas tells us that under capitalism, our lives are divided into many spheres of action. So much of who we are is how we balance the demands of many different spheres of life. Each comes with its own unique set of symbols, its standards and values. Indeed, often these are converted to a literal discrete setting to give individual setting that help convey the intended effect of a sphere of action. This actually makes a strong difference for managing my illness. You may recall from the first part of this article that object fields that relate to real physical places with objects in them, e.g. my kitchen, are the simplest for me to deal with. If I leave the salad I am chopping to go the refrigerator to fetch the next vegetable and then forget what I am doing, I can glance back at the counter, see the salad, and this will trigger my memory. Purely mental object fields are more difficult, because there are no physical actual objects to which I can refer to trigger my recall. That said, most mental object fields are stored in long-term memory. I can teach you the history of the Arab-Israeli conflict, how to write a good persuasive essay or how to speak Arabic because these things are in my long-term memory. My long-term recall seems to be completely normal. I discussed how developing new ideas takes me much longer now because a newly imagined idea is not part of long-term memory. I can’t critique the idea as I write it. I need to write it, look at it, and then criticize it.

Our central problem, according to Habermas, is integrating our lives in order to be fully human and not some mechanized automaton. He talks about the colonization of the lifeworld, a phenomenon in which one of the spheres of action takes over that space in which we imagine ourselves as a human being and where those values that are central to ourselves as an integrated whole. Systems can colonize the lifeworld because they can create an overwhelming reality by presenting a world in which the activity is manifest as the obvious function and goal. The error is mistaking the system for our integrated life. An easy example would be the behavior of German bureaucrats during the Holocaust. German bureaucrats were given commands regarding the slaughter of innocent people, which they carried out. Many did not like it, but they nonetheless obeyed. Habermas argues that this is because of the colonization of their individual lifeworld. They ceased being human beings who were employed as bureaucrats and became bureaucrats who from time to time allowed themselves to encounter others in human relationships. The imperative to be a good bureaucrat and follow orders overrode their human values that told them what they were doing was wrong. Their identity as bureaucrats trumped their identity as humans.

The balancing act that Habermas was concerned with was being able to know when to put aside the technical values of work and pick up those values that make us genuinely human, those values that should serve to integrate our lives. My balancing problem is far less profound and, to be frank, a little embarrassing.

Meta-object Fields

There is a single object field that is never part of long-term memory—the meta-object field. Under capitalism, a person’s meta-object field changes quickly from day to day. It is subject to constant revision. Day-to-day work is not usually done in one sphere at a time. Rather we do a task or two every day in the various different spheres of life in which we are involved. If you want to view each task in a given sphere of life as having a story, a narrative, the meta-object field really has none. It is simply a world of changing lists. Right now, I’m balancing between six or seven:

1. Self-care and maintenance: Washing, eating, doing the laundry etc.

2. Finances: Keeping up with my budget, balancing the checkbook (like that ever happens). This element is by far the most complicated task in my life, see the bit about “Shame” below for more details.

3. Health: I see several physicians and take several medications, many of which have different rules for both when and how I take them and for their renewal at the pharmacy. Moreover, because contemporary illness requires you to see many specialists, the patient must take a highly pro-active stance toward health, constantly integrating the information with which they provide you and asking questions to prompt new strategies. It helps to try to follow, as far as you can, the state of medical research on the illness. Being a patient, ironically, requires dynamism.

4. Teaching: This, of course, is my actual job, in the sense that this is the task for which the university gives me a regular, if paltry salary. This is the professional sphere in which I have the greatest success. Teaching is a very structured object field. Its patterns help impose order on my day. It also is deeply satisfying. Items 1-3, in contrast, have become a colonizing force in my life. These things used to be peripheral. Now they are dominant fixtures in my life that are big enough to shape my identity (see the posting about the saucer).

5. Research: This is the actual process of contributing to knowledge, not funding that process. I’m having a great deal of trouble getting to this. I’ve presented a single paper at a conference. That’s basically it.

6. Searching for funding: Contributing to knowledge needs time away from teaching. Getting this time requires you to prepare applications, a serious endeavor in itself, one that is going to take serious space on my saucer if I’m going to actually get anywhere with it. I missed six grant deadlines last year—a complete and total failure. I’m starting from scratch again this year, and yes, I’m late. We’ll see if I get any out this year.

7. Family and social obligations: There are myriad birthdays and holidays to be recalled. Nothing in any of the above spheres reminds you of this. Moreover, failing to recall the events and respond properly is taken as a sign of disrespect. There is no one in my family who I have not unintentionally hurt in the past seven years. It’s all well and good that people need to understand that this is not deliberate, yadda, yadda. It will never happen. This requires too much cognitive discipline around an important symbol. People are simply going to be hurt.

The challenge is to create a scheme of prioritization and then actually use it effectively. Each subfield has its list of “next steps.” My first difficulty is one of contextualization. My ability to contextualize a given context, leave it, flip to another context and recontextualize is very limited. Before the illness, I used to do this unconsciously. Now, I do it with a great deal of effort.

I have many tasks relating to many projects. It would be swell if I could just work on one project at a time. But as you can see, self-care, finances and health are things that I can’t just shove into a corner and ignore. Well, I did for the first several years after I was diagnosed. I lived in utter filth and ate badly. My life was basically whatever I got done in my office and going out with my friends when I got a chance. Well, I’m married now. I can’t live like that anymore. Needless to say, my social life has died. Even with a very loving and helpful partner, I can’t take care of a household, take care of school and get out and see people. My basic social outlet in the fall is I go and see the Packers play with Jenni, mostly because she is kind enough to help structure me to actually get to the bar to see the game.

Well, the trick any busy person uses is to divide and conquer. You prioritize each sphere’s to do list, pick a few items from each list and go from there. But to prioritize them, you really need to track two other sets of information. The first is a relative weighting of how important each next step is in terms of the “big picture.” Which front requires advancement first? What ordering of steps is best for the war? The second is a knowledge of how steps can be “tucked” into the greater scheme of the day. It may be in my best interest to go the library to return a recalled book. Well, I often have other business in areas near the library or in the library itself. If I’m going to the library anyway, I might as well add those steps in so that I can kill two or three birds with one stone. Those other steps may be relatively low priority, but as they have to be done anyway, it makes sense to do them. Creating the day’s “to do” list is a cognitively difficult sorting task. So not only are the mental objects in the meta-object field not there for long enough to ever enter into longer term memory and, as a result, be recalled clearly and instantaneously, they require extensive sorting. Moreover, my lists have to be very specially crafted. Because my recall is bad, my ability to sort items is highly constrained. If there are too many items on the list, I won’t be able to order them.

I can easily spend two hours trying to plan a busy day. This is, of course, ludicrous. But it’s really a very difficult trade-off. If I don’t go through the effort, I will go out and have a very inefficient day with very spotty performance. Maybe things will happen and maybe they won’t. Moreover, I won’t get any “kill two birds with one stone” effects and things will take much longer to do. But sometimes, the sorting is just too fatiguing for me and I just run out and do whatever I can that day, feeling that doing something is better than nothing. Intensive sorting of any sort is highly fatiguing because it is highly taxing for my sclerotic frontal lobes. It also creates an emotion that I find very difficult to accept: confusion. Recall that I can’t suppress emotion worth a damn. Pushing past fatigue and confusion is not particularly easy. Moreover, I really only have twenty good hours and ten shit hours in which I can actively live my life in a week, instead of resting. Sorting takes quality time, not shit time. When school is on, I don’t have any quality time. My finances, in particular, suffer.

Back to Integrating Life

In a sense, our day to day life, while not meaningless, rarely exists as a discrete unit of meaning. Little fragments of the meaningful units happen each day and you put them together in your mind. Routinized life, when it’s good, is like a montage. Story units are the units of meaning. It’s really only in terms of the bigger story that life gets meaningful. Habermas’ bureaucrats live colonized lives. They cannot remember their true selves when they need their integrity the most. They are taking the wrong value cues from the situation. They sign death warrants for genocides because they think as efficient bureaucrats and not compassionate human beings. I remember the right values. The problem is that I have too much life. There are more spheres in my life than my poor eviscerated brain can handle. I am like a computer with a powerful processor, a large hard drive and a pathetic single stick of memory. The only thing I can think of to balance the damned equation is to drop out of school, but I’m fucking ABD and I want my goddamned degree. I haven’t suffered through thirteen years of post-secondary education and two masters degrees to be crushed here.

I used to see the big picture all the time. But to see the big picture, you need lots of short-term memory. I see the smaller parts of the picture quite clearly because I live in those smaller parts long enough for the schema to sink into my long-term memory. The big picture for a grand theory is much harder to put together, but eventually I will know it well enough that it, too, will become long-term memory and I will know it. But the grand schema of a "to do" list will never be long term memory. To do lists change daily. This means I am always going to have a great deal of trouble living with my life divided between many spheres of action. I’m having a dickens of a time getting any applications out because I just can't get out of enough spheres to stay in application land long enough for that schema to become clear. If I can't stay there, I can't get the applications out. I honestly don’t know what to do.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Your TA's Executive Summary: The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism


A colleague asked for my notes from Steve Hanson’s 204 class on Friday. I wrote them up and thought, fuck it, I never write about the big ideas anymore. So, ta da! The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism. Like you really wanted to know.

* * *

According to Weber, the idea of rationalizing an action around a value has its origins in monastic life. Bit of background that I have having grown up Catholic: Monks and nuns were people who sought to follow the Bible's injunction to always be praying (having grown up Catholic, typically, I can't give you a chapter and verse—but I know it's in there).The most literal example of this was one of the saints (again, I' deeply embarrassed that I don't remember which one, but he was a monk) who actually strove to be literally praying all the time, having the prayer, "Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me, a sinner" playing in the back of his mind always the way pop songs get stuck in the back of ours. The idea is a soul that is always praying will have difficulty consciously sinning. But at any rate, monastic life, if you will is the "rational choice" expression of those who wish to live a life that maximizes holiness, a life in which all work and rest is suffused with prayer. For a Catholic to this day, the term "vocation" refers principally to a calling to religious life, i.e. being a priest, monk or a nun.

Martin Luther rejected this stance, deriding the monastic life as a cowardly retreat from the world of the living. A religious radical, he sought to break the ecclesiastical hierarchy of the Church, but a political conservative, he had no intention of mobilizing the peasantry or leading political reform (which made him popular with kings who could then break the monastaries and confiscate their land and, in the process destroy the only system of social welfare in place in the medieval west). Catholics believe that being saved is a matter of baptism, a rite that is typically performed in infancy. Luther, in contrast, conceived that being saved required to be an individual experience of God's salvation (hence the ubiquitous evangelical question, "Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?"). God further called human beings to work in a worldly vocation, i.e. one in contact with the world. Not being a political or economic radical, that vocation was basically doing what your parents did. This, as far was Weber's theory is concerned, was the extent of Luther's innovation.

With Luther, then, two changes emerge. First salvation becomes an individual experience (the story of how one was saved) rather than a status ascribed to a sacred community (into which the individual is initiated shortly after birth through infant baptism). Luther thought that this community approach had created the sort of slovenly Christianity that led to the Reformation in the first place. The second change is that Catholic idea of a religious, monastic vocation, becomes a worldly experience in which faith is expressed not through a life of prayer but rather through hard work in the world (not that Luther didn't believe in prayer, but he didn't believe in monastic life).

Calvin essentially "modernized" Luther's stance taking it further. Not only was salvation an individual calling, but the choice of vocation was an individual calling as well. The individual did not simply accept what his or her parents did mindlessly as a traditional nitwit, but instead searched their hearts to discover where Jesus was calling them to go. This is fairly easily explained to students. While few are looking to Jesus to tell them where to go, they almost all are still searching their hearts for what they ought to do with their lives.

Calvin's own approach to the question of theodicy led him to espouse a belief in pre-destination. Simply put, an almighty and omniscient God knows, because He knows His creation, who is saved and who is damned. Indeed, God alone knows who is saved and who is damned. Being saved or damned in Christianity has always been as simple as a response of faith. The question for the individual living on earth becomes, "Do you truly believe?" This creates a type of "salvation anxiety" among the faithful. Doubt, and indeed, who among us is so confident as to avoid doubt, in a sense made them work all the harder. If nothing else, they needed to reassure themselves of that which they cannot know: that they are the elect. [Individual grad students have this problem "Am I brilliant or a fake?" dwells in each grad student's mind in much the same way. Admission to the grad school is never real proof.] So, like the monks who sought to make every part of life a ceaseless prayer, Calvin's Puritans sought to work every minute of the day, because the true response of faith is work. Hence, time is money, a la Ben Franklin.

Well, working this way accumulated a great deal of financial capital. The Puritans were the most austere sorts of Christians, so blowing the money on booze and hookers was completely out of the question. Charity was never really quite as big with the anti-monastic Protestants as it was with the monks and nuns of old (after all, by the new dogma, the drunk in the gutter probably belongs there, but maybe you give to the Salvation Army, just in case). So you reinvest, to show God you take the Word seriously, i.e. by working even harder, making the work even more productive, etc.

Well. most people don't want to work this way, but the problem is if they don't adopt the technique, they'll be driven out of business. The fading of Puritanism (their descendents the Congregationalists have a nice church north of campus with a gay couple as their ministers, to give you some idea of how much things have changed) did nothing to make a dent in this phenomenon. Once the pattern existed, it was available for use. People like Bill Gates find meaning in this sort of work, even if they aren't Puritans. Perhaps it's keeping score that drives them the way our students are driven to hit the start button every time they get a "game over" on their video games, even if it is two in the morning and they're bleary eyed. For whatever reason, a cadre of people are always internally driven to work this way. As they are, the rest of us are forced to work to their standards lest we be weeded out of the market.

Rinse, lather, repeat until the last ton of fossilized fuel is burnt.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Back to School

There’s a lot to write about, but I’m too tired. The Packers beating the Chargers alone would be worth a few paragraphs. But I feel rather melancholy this evening. I’m really happy to go back to teaching. I’m TAing for Steve Hanson’s comparative class, which is really his POL S 101 class, the first class and professor I taught for here at the U. Marx and Weber. Plus, Steve says that my proposal is basically ready to be shipped off. He said he’s proud of me, which really means the world to me. I feel like I’m coming home in a way, for the last time before I leave. I’m grateful to get one last shot at this.

But this wonderful news has come along with some very sad news. One of my colleagues is leaving the program. When he told me today, I was quite distressed, as I don’t think he should go. I don’t know the whole story, but it’s terrible news. It’s a hard thing. Graduate school is hard hazing. It isn’t without purpose. It does allow one to arrive at the discipline needed to tame the imagination and make it genuinely productive. But they don’t tell you why they do what they do to you. Indeed, too often it has become savagery for the sake of savagery. Our faculty does not strive to give graduate students a reason to keep their faith. And there is too much personal savagery involved, too much vanity. There is no sense of the sacred in what too many of us are doing. Without recollection of the values of a liberal education, we are losing sight of our work. When good young men and women are leaving the field because of these stupid games, one can plainly see that we are losing our bearings.

All too often in my life I have been caught by unaware by the depth of my emotional commitments, by how deeply I am moved by the values I hold. I went to USAID to work in the Democracy Center, I thought that the worst that would happen was that my career would waste money. If I didn’t end up screwing people over the way I might have to at State, if the worst that happened was that I was a party to wasting money, I could be okay with that. And I was wrong. I never really got over the fact that we were wasting sums of money twenty times larger than my annual salary, that people had worked hard for this money. It may be that the average citizen could give a flying fuck about whether the world was democratic or not, but if Congress had elected to spend $4 million on democratization in the Middle East, the least that we could do was send the money somewhere it might have a prayer of having a positive impact. We owed it to those who had worked to create this wealth to do the best we could with it. When we flushed it down the toilet, I was bitter. My skin isn’t thick enough for politics.

I realize that if my professional life has any meaning at all, I would like it to be to keep the spirit of liberal education alive—to not have it die on my watch. I can’t change the academy, but I can give my students and colleagues the best that I have. I don’t know if it can be enough, if it’s anything other than sticking my thumb in the dike. But I know that in the face of the suffering of life, my education has been the only defense I have had to carve out a little island of sanity. The greatest mercies God has given me have been Craig and my education. I cannot pass on the spirit of romantic love to them. I am not a poet. But I can give help them find the spirit of a liberal education, to build their safe haven in the storm. It would mean a great deal to me if I could help others do that. Those who taught me how to do think have given me all that I have had to carry me through my darkest hours. I might be able to help a few others. That seems to me to be a good life.

And hey, today, four years ago, I met Craig Rock. Day after tomorrow, two years ago, we got married. A good life indeed.